What am I doing?

Why am I only happy when I'm in a relationship?  Not even happy with the relationship - just that I have one?

I broke things off with my boyfriend.  I'm not even sure why.  Maybe I wanted to be single.  Maybe I just havent been feeling like myself and wanted some time alone.  Maybe I was afraid of things getting serious.  Maybe I was afraid of being disappointed.  I dont know.

I dont know if it was the right choice.

All I know is that all those feelings of emptiness have come rushing back as if it was one year ago and I just had my heart ripped out.  Now I'm questioning why I did it.  Thinking about how I am going to move on.  Who am I going to talk to?  Thinking that I have nobody.  Feeling lonely.

What am I supposed to do when I get like this?

I know I will be fine.  I know that life goes on.

Right now it just sucks.

I feel like an ass.

Ugh.  Thats all for now.  

A concept for me

Finding that if you live your life free from clutter and with a basic concept of simplicity and minimalism, that happiness, well...it has no place to hide!

i put this on my facebook page today but I wanted to elaborate on it just a little more...

my life can be very stressful at times. obviously.  but there is one thing in my life that is so simple, so lovely and that is my relationship with my boyfriend.

looking back at my marriage, i see two people living life in a pressure cooker. stressed, feeling over burdened, and weighed down.

why live life like that?  

maybe marriage isn't for everyone.  a lifetime with one person is a hell of a commitment.

live life simple. 

enjoy being together when you can.  think of each when you can't.  smile, laugh, and kiss.  

be happy doing nothing together because if your not happy in the simplest of situations, how can you be happy when life gets hard?