Expectations and Disappointment

I remember Valentines Day as a pre-teen/teenager in junior high...my Dad used to surprise me by having a dozen long stem red roses wrapped in red tissue paper and gently set in a white box delivered to my school.  I was the happiest girl - no boy could top my Dad.

Somewhere along the line, that got lost.  And by that I mean...the expectations that I was supposed to have for a guy.  They got lowered and lowered and lowered.  And now....I don't even celebrate Valentine's Day.  I told my boyfriend not to even bother getting me a thing.  After all....you can't be disappointed in what you don't have expectations for.

But tonight after a tall glass of wine (just one glass, I promise)  I realized that by not having expectations, I'm just settling.

Settling is what I did when I got married.

Hmmm....time to start re-thinking this whole "dating expectations" thing.

How to Be Alone

My good friend Darby posted this on Facebook this morning...I just had to share it...























Society tells us that being "alone" is equal to loneliness.  This is wrong.  Loneliness can happen to anyone.  To someone in a relationship or even marriage.  Being alone is different.  Being alone says "I love myself, and can spend time with myself and be okay with that".

The best advice I got this year from my dear friend Regan "Embrace solitude, its empowering"  This is so true...

If you are alone this holiday season, please done be lonely.  You cannot love someone else, if you do not love yourself.  It all starts with you!

Thank you for 1 thing

Its kinda a confidence crusher when your husband cheats on you with a woman three times your size and who is not attractive at all. But I would like to say that even though that is really hurtful I have been learning a lot about myself and my confidence because of it.


I would like to say that I am not skinny but I am by no means fat. I am 5’7” and I weigh 165 lbs. The past two years I have been struggling to lose weight and have dealt with self confidence issues. But recently that has all changed. You would think that I would be absolutely angry with myself and my body but its kinda the opposite. Even though it’s very hurtful to think of how my husband was more attracted to M instead of me, I look at that as a reflection on him and not me. If anything at all, it gives me awesome motivation when I am working out. I just think of that fat whore and I am able to pump out another set of sit-ups and leg presses haha!

Last week I took my measurements to track my workout progress….I have a 40” bust and a 40” hip. When I read those measurements I literally said out loud, “DAMN! I like my size!”. I know that I am not the skinniest but when I look in my mirror, I don’t see my fat, I think “wow…look at those curves!”. I see myself in pictures and I can see that I am a little over weight but it doesn’t really bother me because I am working out to get fit and get right. Working out gives me a outlet to let out my angers and frustrations. It gives me confidence and it makes me happy. I know that I will start to see progress soon and that gives me hope. I know that I have abs that are just dying to be shown off in a swimsuit and I know that I will get there.

J has taken a lot from me and I have lots of issues to deal with but he did leave me with one thing; motivation which in turn has helped me get my confidence back.

A toast to infinity and beyond!!!!!

A friend said something to me that has been resonating in my head all weekend;

You have infinity to give and he took advantage of it

That just clicks in my head, like, I actually believe it.

I believe it!

That might sound like something meaningless but it really means everything to me.  Believing that I have something to offer, and not just something but infinity...