Whats going on??

• Divorce...well, the house is now officially SOLD!  We made settlement on September 27th.  The house sold for $30k less than we owe - but we got a one time 'get out of jail free' card and we don't have to pay that money back.  Of course there was lots of drama involved but I have to say, I did a great job with not buying into his games.  One last thing standing in the way of the divorce becoming official and that is our car.  J has to sign the title over to me but he is demanding $500 to do so.  Ahhh, divorce is so much fun!
• Gym...wish I had awesome news.  I don't.  I have only been going to the gym once a week and unfortunately that is not enough gym time to keep me loosing weight.  I need to get back on the saddle elliptical!
• Love...yes, I have news in this department!  After months of casually seeing this guy, we have made it official...facebook official even - we are in a relationship!  My first actual committed relationship since the separation in January.  I was totally freaking out at the thought of a relationship but this has been so easy and carefree - we have so much fun together!
• Life...has been busy.  I have been trying to balance everything plus finances and the dog and work....its been tough.  But the last week or two, things have been coming together.  Balance is hard to keep in a world that keeps on spinning.
• Baseball...umm, yes...baseball!  Have you seen my Phillies!?!  It is certainly DOCtober :)))
• Football...I love football Sundays with my bf...staying in bed watching the game and eating our faces off, lol!  The last game wasnt the best.  Michael Vick was injured (GOD I cant believe I am rooting for this guy...but I really kinda like him as our QB) and we had a ton of holding calls.  I'm hoping my Eagles can pull it together!

Missing Person: Positive Patty

This week has been so tough.  Tonight I went to the gym to clear my head.  I put on my heavy metal and kicked some serious ass.  But I felt like I needed another therapy....my blog!  So here is whats been bothering me this week...

I have been living back at home for 5 months now.  For the first time this week I had the urge to just pack up and move the hell out.  I remember having that feeling at 18 and then moving out the day after graduation.  I am trying to just deal but its hard when everyone in my house is PMS'ing all together (that includes the guys).  Okay, its always easy to make a joke about it - but seriously - this week has been bad at home.  Since when do people just walk in the door and automatically start bitching.  Where is the "hi, how are you?".  I have worked so hard to not become them...to not have the attitude...to not take my bad day out on others.  I hate being surrounded by that crap, it brings you down.

Dating is another thing that has been eating away at my brain this week.  I just can't find the balance that I need between casually dating and a relationship.  I find myself needing more and then wanting less.  Why can't I find that balance?  Its like I need someone to talk to, to be there, someone to give me a hug and pick me up when I need it.  But I don't want commitment.  I know that I just got out of a marriage - there is no way I can be in a relationship.  But yet I feel myself looking for a connection.

It doesn't help that I over think things wayyy too much.  I over analyze everything.  Why can't I just simplify things and compartmentalize them and live my life?

I don't know where Positive Patty went...but she needs to come back.  NOW.

Moving Forward

Hey! It’s been a while, huh? Unfortunately, I've been neglecting my new blog...I've started several posts, but never finished them. There's a reason for that I suppose...my life just isn’t in the same place. Mentally, I've moved on from a lot of these issues and I haven't had the need to vent about them. I'm throwing around the idea of starting (yet another) blog, I think I may have outgrown this place. It served me well when I needed it. I don't know though, just a thought :)

So what have I been up to?...

Well, I've been plugging along at my job, trying to focus on a promotion. On the weeknights after work, I go to the gym. The gym is something that has been completely life changing for me! I try and go 4 to 5 times a week. I do 30-45 minutes of cardio and then a little tanning too :). Working out has been such a stress reliever plus it gets me out of the house and keeps me busy! I also signed up for a softball league at my office which starts in just a few weeks.

As far as J goes....I don't really have to deal with him much except when it comes down to matters of selling the house. And even then, he doesn’t do shit. I'm handling everything and my attitude is whatever it takes to get this over with! He does try to contact me sometimes, such as trying to ruin my birthday by accusing me of writing his name and number on a bathroom stall (yea...he is fucking crazy). He also is doing stupid shit like shorting me $3 on our taxes. I basically don't reply to him at all. He is trying to get a reaction from me and I refuse to do it! So I will pay the god damn $3 and move on thankyouverymuch!

I'm looking forward to this summer....I have a great outlook, great friends and family and even someone special who I'm enjoying getting to know. Life is looking good....

Thank you for 1 thing

Its kinda a confidence crusher when your husband cheats on you with a woman three times your size and who is not attractive at all. But I would like to say that even though that is really hurtful I have been learning a lot about myself and my confidence because of it.


I would like to say that I am not skinny but I am by no means fat. I am 5’7” and I weigh 165 lbs. The past two years I have been struggling to lose weight and have dealt with self confidence issues. But recently that has all changed. You would think that I would be absolutely angry with myself and my body but its kinda the opposite. Even though it’s very hurtful to think of how my husband was more attracted to M instead of me, I look at that as a reflection on him and not me. If anything at all, it gives me awesome motivation when I am working out. I just think of that fat whore and I am able to pump out another set of sit-ups and leg presses haha!

Last week I took my measurements to track my workout progress….I have a 40” bust and a 40” hip. When I read those measurements I literally said out loud, “DAMN! I like my size!”. I know that I am not the skinniest but when I look in my mirror, I don’t see my fat, I think “wow…look at those curves!”. I see myself in pictures and I can see that I am a little over weight but it doesn’t really bother me because I am working out to get fit and get right. Working out gives me a outlet to let out my angers and frustrations. It gives me confidence and it makes me happy. I know that I will start to see progress soon and that gives me hope. I know that I have abs that are just dying to be shown off in a swimsuit and I know that I will get there.

J has taken a lot from me and I have lots of issues to deal with but he did leave me with one thing; motivation which in turn has helped me get my confidence back.