Something to prove

Okay, so I as I mentioned in my last post - I broke things of with my BF.  Since then I've made the decision to stay single for 6 months.  Wait.  Did I just say six?  Let me see thats...April, May, June.... OMG, that is until September.

I just think that I might be relationship dependent.  As long as I can remember I've been in a relationship...I married young and wasted a ton of time there.  Then out of the last year, I've been in a relationship for the past 9  months.  And the whole time I had been silently freaking out inside about being in that relationship.  Dont get me wrong, I loved my BF...I cant speak a bad word about  him.  But...I just felt it was time for me to be alone.  (he has called that a load of BS and it hasnt ended well since then)  But anywho....

I feel like I need to prove to myself that I can be alone and be happy.  You know be an independent single lady;

Let the boyfriend ban begin!

Expectations and Disappointment

I remember Valentines Day as a pre-teen/teenager in junior high...my Dad used to surprise me by having a dozen long stem red roses wrapped in red tissue paper and gently set in a white box delivered to my school.  I was the happiest girl - no boy could top my Dad.

Somewhere along the line, that got lost.  And by that I mean...the expectations that I was supposed to have for a guy.  They got lowered and lowered and lowered.  And now....I don't even celebrate Valentine's Day.  I told my boyfriend not to even bother getting me a thing.  After all....you can't be disappointed in what you don't have expectations for.

But tonight after a tall glass of wine (just one glass, I promise)  I realized that by not having expectations, I'm just settling.

Settling is what I did when I got married.

Hmmm....time to start re-thinking this whole "dating expectations" thing.

How to Be Alone

My good friend Darby posted this on Facebook this morning...I just had to share it...























Society tells us that being "alone" is equal to loneliness.  This is wrong.  Loneliness can happen to anyone.  To someone in a relationship or even marriage.  Being alone is different.  Being alone says "I love myself, and can spend time with myself and be okay with that".

The best advice I got this year from my dear friend Regan "Embrace solitude, its empowering"  This is so true...

If you are alone this holiday season, please done be lonely.  You cannot love someone else, if you do not love yourself.  It all starts with you!

Re-Align

Well it finally came in the mail, my official divorce decree.  It feels good knowing that the past is just that, the past.  I've been thinking lately, kinda replaying my whole relationship and marriage with J.  You know, it sucks that it ended the way it did....but the fact is, we were just not meant to be together.  I was not meant to be in that marriage.  I was not the person that I was meant to be or become.

I truly feel that I needed to Re-Align my life.

So here's a toast to my former self, I bid you adieu...

And here's a toast to the future.  The opportunity to learn from life, the chance to find myself and grow into the woman I am meant to be.  Here's to embracing change.   

Seeking....a new chapter

May?  Has it really been since May since I've blogged?

As you can see I changed the blog up a bit.  I took away the title "my life in boxes", it seemed to reflect someone who needs pity. Its no longer about that, I don't want that.  I don't want to always talk about "J" and our issues.  I want to talk about me and the new chapters of my life so I changed the title to "seeking"...I think its a perfect descriptive word.  Side note...I like the cool new designs that blogger finally offers.


So heres new a new template (oh the little things!), a new chapter, and maybe even a new post every once in a while?!