Im pissed

"it states that heather will, upon signing the papers, have 90 days to get the car out of my name and assume any and all liability for it. im not sure why we have decided to go this route. im not comfortable with signing divorce papers and still having loose ends. that would mean that within those 90days my credit is still on the line and at any point something unexpected could happen"

That is a direct quote from asshole J regarding signing a property settlement agreement that will allow me to take his name off the car title.  The same car that he is demanding $500 from me to transfer the title.

So hey asshole....want to talk about unexpected do ya?  How about cheating with my best friend?

Want to talk about credit on the line?  YOU didnt have a job...you didnt contribute $$ to the mortgage...now MY credit is ruined because of this short sale because you are a LAZY FUCK.  And because of that..I am having trouble refinancing the fucking car!

Want to talk about the car?  The car that you borrowed from me ... dropped me off at work every day under the pretense that you were job hunting.  Is that what you were doing?  NO...you were banging my fat whore of a best friend.

And hey...one more thing idiot...you wanted $500...well its waiting for you at my lawyers but you have to SIGN THE PROPERTY SETTLEMENT AGREEMENT FIRST!

fucking asshole.

Whats going on??

• Divorce...well, the house is now officially SOLD!  We made settlement on September 27th.  The house sold for $30k less than we owe - but we got a one time 'get out of jail free' card and we don't have to pay that money back.  Of course there was lots of drama involved but I have to say, I did a great job with not buying into his games.  One last thing standing in the way of the divorce becoming official and that is our car.  J has to sign the title over to me but he is demanding $500 to do so.  Ahhh, divorce is so much fun!
• Gym...wish I had awesome news.  I don't.  I have only been going to the gym once a week and unfortunately that is not enough gym time to keep me loosing weight.  I need to get back on the saddle elliptical!
• Love...yes, I have news in this department!  After months of casually seeing this guy, we have made it official...facebook official even - we are in a relationship!  My first actual committed relationship since the separation in January.  I was totally freaking out at the thought of a relationship but this has been so easy and carefree - we have so much fun together!
• Life...has been busy.  I have been trying to balance everything plus finances and the dog and work....its been tough.  But the last week or two, things have been coming together.  Balance is hard to keep in a world that keeps on spinning.
• Baseball...umm, yes...baseball!  Have you seen my Phillies!?!  It is certainly DOCtober :)))
• Football...I love football Sundays with my bf...staying in bed watching the game and eating our faces off, lol!  The last game wasnt the best.  Michael Vick was injured (GOD I cant believe I am rooting for this guy...but I really kinda like him as our QB) and we had a ton of holding calls.  I'm hoping my Eagles can pull it together!

Another day, another chance to heal

It was another crazy weekend filled with ups and downs...

Friday I left work early to go to a doctor's appointment.  When I arrived the receptionists were giving me a funny look, I told them who I was and that I had an appointment - they said;

"We called and left a message on Tuesday at your home - Dr. O had to reschedule"

I lost it..."Figures, I separated from my husband and he didn't give me the message!"  "AND...I cannot take of anymore time to reschedule!"

I'm sure they thought I was crazy - which I am.

I was furious, I called J four times, no answer.  I could tell he was hitting the ignore button on his phone. Well this sent me into a panic attack - I ended up driving to the house and freaking out for a bit over little things.  My mom ended up coming over to calm me down.  The night ended with my awesome neighbors bringing over a bottle of wine...they probably heard me crying through the wall lol....

Saturday morning I moved my things out of the house and into storage.  I made it through with minimal tears.  We moved quick and it kept me busy.  I'm glad thats over with...

There was a little more drama in the afternoon but I am saving that for another post :-)

The rest of the weekend went pretty well.  I went into the city with my Mom for a bit, got my eyebrows and lip waxed - finally!  And got my room all setup at my parents house.


I've been doing some thinking about my future and I think I am going to make a I’m 25 and already divorced with nothing else to do list bucket list.  I really have nothing to hold me back anymore.  I have never been alone in my life (been with J since I was 15) so I think I am ready for some Heather time.  Once I get a few ideas I am going to post it on the side bar of this blog.

Moving Out

I don't really feel like blogging today - my head hurts....so this will be short;

• I am moving all my things out of the house on Saturday and into storage
• J is moving his things to his new "rental house" also
• He is supposedly renting his step fathers house.  His mom and him are going to sit down and work out a budget for him.  So typical...29 years old and still can't do things his self.  I always did the bills etc....he will never learn.  Besides how much rent can you pay when your unemployed, have no plans of working and just bought a cell phone with a plan
• I am also going to the Franklin Institute to see the Body Worlds exhibit with my mom and her girlfriends this weekend.  I am looking forward to the distraction
• J is borrowing a truck from his godmother who he hates with a passion (I hate her too lol).  It must suck to owe someone you despise a favor
• I wrote J an email telling him how I feel....should be interesting to see his response - if he even responds

I am not looking forward to Saturday - I am praying that I can make it through - I am getting choked up just thinking about it :(

You are giving me lip hair asshole!

Last night was another tough one. I went to "our house" straight from work to pack a few more things and I ended up leaving a crying mess. J and I had to sort through the filing cabinet of paperwork. I came across a lot of things (such as our marriage certificate) that just made me so sad. My wedding was so beautiful, my grandfather is a pastor and he married us so when I saw his signature on the certificate it just got to me. But none of this seems to have any impact on J. He sat there while I did all the work, just shredding what I told him to shred. I ended up storming out of the house. I got into the car while J was in the garage smoking a cigarette – he wouldn’t even look at me. I started crying and just slammed my hands down on the car horn – J simply shut the garage door and went inside. 

I know that I let my emotions get the best of me - and slamming on the car horn was a childish thing to do but I don't understand how you can just stop loving someone after 10 years? How can he just sit there and be fine. No emotions, no sadness - just okay. It is killing me inside - that really hurts me deep. I am so sad and here he is just going on as normal.

It also pisses me the fuck off. Because a part of me thinks that maybe he has these emotions but he is not showing them. You see, J has this ability to just write someone off just. like. THAT. Done - finished - no emotions attached. I have never been able to get him to break down that barrier when he does that. But if by chance there are those emotions inside him...well....it infuriates me. MAN UP! He is too cowardly to face what he did and the consequences.


Tonight I am meeting with a counselor for the first time since this happened last week. It’s going to be another emotional night but I am really looking forward to getting a professional opinion on my situation. And let me just tell you - I look like hell! My eyes are sunken in with deep greenish/blue bags under them, my eyebrows are overgrown and all this stress has brought on my period (a week early).  And to top it all off, I have upper lip hair. Yes, lip hair….FML