Expectations and Disappointment

I remember Valentines Day as a pre-teen/teenager in junior high...my Dad used to surprise me by having a dozen long stem red roses wrapped in red tissue paper and gently set in a white box delivered to my school.  I was the happiest girl - no boy could top my Dad.

Somewhere along the line, that got lost.  And by that I mean...the expectations that I was supposed to have for a guy.  They got lowered and lowered and lowered.  And now....I don't even celebrate Valentine's Day.  I told my boyfriend not to even bother getting me a thing.  After all....you can't be disappointed in what you don't have expectations for.

But tonight after a tall glass of wine (just one glass, I promise)  I realized that by not having expectations, I'm just settling.

Settling is what I did when I got married.

Hmmm....time to start re-thinking this whole "dating expectations" thing.

Re-Align

Well it finally came in the mail, my official divorce decree.  It feels good knowing that the past is just that, the past.  I've been thinking lately, kinda replaying my whole relationship and marriage with J.  You know, it sucks that it ended the way it did....but the fact is, we were just not meant to be together.  I was not meant to be in that marriage.  I was not the person that I was meant to be or become.

I truly feel that I needed to Re-Align my life.

So here's a toast to my former self, I bid you adieu...

And here's a toast to the future.  The opportunity to learn from life, the chance to find myself and grow into the woman I am meant to be.  Here's to embracing change.   

You're not there

Today I am having a stressful day at work.

I thought about calling J and telling him about my day, looking for him to say something sweet and remind me that my day is almost over and that he will cook dinner for me tonight.

Then I realized I have no one. J isn’t there – he doesn’t care about my day at work.

I need someone to be there. Not a friend or family member, I want my husband, the husband I thought I had.