What are the chances???

What are the chances....that you go to the bar with your girlfriend with high hopes of hanging out with a really cool guy that you like - and he likes you.  And then finding out that he asks for your girlfriends number when your in the bathroom.  And even further...they realize the met once two years ago in this very same bar and recall what they are wearing and everything they said to each other and within one week have "very strong feelins for each other".

I know. I know!  I'm on a boyfriend ban and none of this matters.  Quit rubbing it in.

Just sayin...that hurts a little. 

What am I doing?

Why am I only happy when I'm in a relationship?  Not even happy with the relationship - just that I have one?

I broke things off with my boyfriend.  I'm not even sure why.  Maybe I wanted to be single.  Maybe I just havent been feeling like myself and wanted some time alone.  Maybe I was afraid of things getting serious.  Maybe I was afraid of being disappointed.  I dont know.

I dont know if it was the right choice.

All I know is that all those feelings of emptiness have come rushing back as if it was one year ago and I just had my heart ripped out.  Now I'm questioning why I did it.  Thinking about how I am going to move on.  Who am I going to talk to?  Thinking that I have nobody.  Feeling lonely.

What am I supposed to do when I get like this?

I know I will be fine.  I know that life goes on.

Right now it just sucks.

I feel like an ass.

Ugh.  Thats all for now.  

How to Be Alone

My good friend Darby posted this on Facebook this morning...I just had to share it...























Society tells us that being "alone" is equal to loneliness.  This is wrong.  Loneliness can happen to anyone.  To someone in a relationship or even marriage.  Being alone is different.  Being alone says "I love myself, and can spend time with myself and be okay with that".

The best advice I got this year from my dear friend Regan "Embrace solitude, its empowering"  This is so true...

If you are alone this holiday season, please done be lonely.  You cannot love someone else, if you do not love yourself.  It all starts with you!

Just me...and me.

There was a time, just a few months ago, when I was dying of loneliness. There was one day in particular that I remember; I was sitting by myself, snowed-in in an empty house shaking and crying. I was emotionally destroyed over the thought that I had to spend the day by myself. I felt empty, scared, and deserted. Who was going to sip hot chocolate and snuggle with me on the couch? Who was I going to talk to, what was I going to do all day? I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts. I didn’t want to have to feel the emptiness of being lonely.

Today is the last of ten days that I have spent alone. Yes, alone…ten wonderful and relaxing days alone. I am sad that it is coming to an end but the family must return from vacation some time. Recently I have found myself craving alone time. I have been day dreaming about being stranded alone in the wild with nothing but my own thoughts to occupy my time. I want to sit alone and read a book or go for a drive and listen to the music. I find myself envious (and proud!) of my friend who just recently upped and moved away all by herself to a new and unfamiliar city. I want that. I want to wander and discover new things by myself. It’s not so bad being alone. I am comfortable with myself, I like myself. I know I am okay, I know I am sufficient for myself, and that I will always get by.

I am sure that this period of self exploration and discovery will come to an end, as all things do, but for now…it’s just me and me. And that is A – OK.