Ever since I've been going through this whole ordeal, I've been having panic attacks. I had never had one before up until this point in my life. So far this week I've had two, both of them happened at work. Having a panic attack is the most awful experience. Its these stupid little things that just set panic and fear in me and I cannot stop myself from freaking out. My chest starts to break out in red splotches, my face gets red, the air seems thick and I have trouble breathing, I can't stand up, I get dizzy and eventually start to cry because I can't do anything to stop it. It's so embarrassing to act like this at work because I can't calm myself down, someone else has to help me. Then after its over I realize that there was no real reason to be so upset.
I think that these are happening because of fear - fear of the unknown. I am such a control freak with a little OCD on the side. I am one of those people who make check lists, spreadsheets, and pro/con lists for almost every situation. And right now I have no control in my life. I have no idea what is going on and I have no idea where my life is headed. I'm scared. And that just freaks. me. out.
I am going to my therapist on Monday, I am going to tell her what’s been happening. I need to find ways to calm myself down and just breath...
2 comments:
Hang in there! It will get better. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist and not trying to do all of this on your own. Keep writing, and laugh as much as possible! By getting through this you will come out stronger than you ever thought possible.
The therapy helps, I just wish I had her on call for when I lose it at work!
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